I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
