We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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