I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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