And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
