Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
