the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
