i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
