is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
