sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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