One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
