is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
