it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
be right there i have to get my cape
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
