if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
