The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
