True but thats because hes a fetus.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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