In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Too much gin, very little bucket
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
