Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
