plz talk dirty to me
i think i have herpe
just one?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
