dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
