I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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