What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
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