these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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