You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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