I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
