Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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