I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
where are you?
Hypothermia
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
