piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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