the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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