when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
