I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
