I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
