just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
