He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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