so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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