I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
