Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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