She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
