I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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