she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
