It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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