as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
