he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
