It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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