i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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