Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
