I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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