I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
