I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
