I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
