there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
