His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
