had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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