i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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