Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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